This week is brought to by the letter C and the number 10

 Today, Kevin and I spent the whole day talking with the oncologist and thoracic surgeon. Dr. Li is this little bulldog of a man, full of urgency and drive. He is obviously incredibly smart and knowledgeable. He spent a ton of time with us answering questions and showing us the CT scans. Here is the Game Plan:
1. Get biopsy on Wed morning, likely from a lymph node in Kevin's neck, but possibly through his ribs from the tumor
2. Start Kevin on steroids Wednesday afternoon to keep tumor at bay. It is GROWING really fast, and scares us all to death. If Kevin has shortness of breath, I am call Dr. Li immediately. Yikes!
3. Diagnose cancer cells (3-5 days after biopsy). Dr. Li and the thoracic surgeon both strongly suspect it is Lymphoma (Hodgkins or non). this is GOOD NEWS, because Lymphoma is super treatable!
4. Kevin gets a PET scan to see how far the cancer has spread. He has some suspicious looking lymph nodes in his groin, which is not so good.
5. Doctors regroup and decide on a treatment plan. Quite possibly, Kevin will start Chemotherapy starting next week.

I cannot adequately explain how relieved we feel to be in such capable hands. We also had Kevin annointed this morning by Fr. Boniface, and just meeting him and praying with him was an enormous relief. Between appointments this afternoon, Kevin and I were practically GIDDY, giggling like school girls, with sheer relief. This last two days of the GOOGLE NIGHTMARE did some serious harm. Little did we know that even over the weekend, many capable eyes were discussing Kevin's scan and when we arrived Monday morning, everyone we met already "knew" Kevin! How lucky we are to be in such a great medical community. And speaking of community, the outpouring of support on facebook and word of mouth has been simply unbelievable. We feel uplifted, supported, and even hopeful.

Meanwhile, the baby is 10-weeks-old, and about 1.5 inches long! I don't know if it was the positive ultrasound last week, the huge change in my focus this week, or that I the baby has finally reached the wonderful FETAL stage in development, but I feel so much better about the pregnancy emotionally. I still feel pregnant-- good, solid, symptoms, but nothing too bad. And that, folks, is all the news that's fit to print.

And now for something completely different

Many of you know that Kevin has not been well this last month. He caught a nasty virus from Jesse, and it turned into a persistent cough, and lots of pain in his ribs. He got a round of antibiotics, then another round of antibiotics, codeine for the cough, and an inhaler for his lungs. Our kitchen took on the look of a drive by pharmacy. Through it all, Kevin did not take a day off-- he kept teaching, doing sessions, and preparing for a trio concert. They gave him a diagnosis of walking pneumonia and pleurisy. This week, his cough was nearly gone, but the pain in his chest kept reappearing. He felt so weak that he could hardly pick up Jesse, and hugging him caused terrible pain. So yesterday, he went back to his GP and was told that he needed a CT scan immediately, and blood work. A couple hours later, we got a preliminary diagnosis: A 9 cm tumor in his chest, around his thymus. Kevin has cancer. Monday, he gets the mass biopsied to find out if it is Thymoma or Hodgkin's Lymphoma. From what I can tell, both types are treatable and curable, but it is also abundantly clear that the treatment is long and painful. We also don't know what stage he is in, which will determine whether he gets surgery, chemo, radiation, or a combo of all three; and can expect reoccurence down the road. Surgery is pretty much a given, and from what I can find, it may involve something akin to open-heart surgery-- not a pretty procedure. Not knowing what lies ahead is frightening on so many levels-- financial, emotional, practical. What I do know is that we'll need help and advice. I also know that we are in God's hands, and have very little control over this whole situation.

More updates on Monday. Get those prayers on, please!

Week 9

Snow-pocalypse 2012

We had the entire week off from school due to SNOW! I cannot tell you how much I love snow days. There are so many reasons to celebrate a paid vacation/catch up on work week. The first time the kids went out in the snow to play, they complained bitterly about wet hands and feet within moments. By the end of the week, they were sledding down the hill at the end of the block with pink cheeks, soggy mittens, and true midwestern blood running through their veins. And PHOEBE-- you've never seen anything like it. She loves the snow. She was like a dog on steroids, dashing around the neighborhood and skidding into snowbanks with reckless abandon. So, fun was had by all, and I even managed to get a good chunk of my next manuscript done. I have a self-imposed birthday deadline for this beastly paper to get submitted. A few more snow days would not hurt at all...

What we are reading this week

 I was so excited to find this book at the library this week. I had completely forgot about dear Betsy and her first day of school. I was amazed at how much I remember from this book-- it must have been one of the firsts I read on my own.

 I was even more excited when I found this wonderful book in Amy's old bookshelf in my Dad's house over Christmas. It was *the* book from which I learned the birds and the bees, and I think its loving, gentle, directness has shaped me in ways I did not realize till I read it again 30+ years later.

 Here is the very first picture in the book...

...And the very first paragraph. I won't post the other more influential pages-- namely, the mother and father cuddling up very closely, and the picture of the baby being born (very explicit!), but you can imagine them. Needless to say, my kids were absolutely riveted by this book, and now we have nearly daily discussions about how boys and girls are built differently, and where the baby is in my body (the book calls it the "womb"-- so much nicer than "uterus" and more accurate than "tummy"), and how big it is now. My kids still preface talking about the baby with "If the baby survives..." or "If the baby is still alive..." which is pretty sad, but I figure that will eventually phase out. Monday is my first OB appt, and I am hoping for another heartbeat. Keep up the prayers!

WEEK 8!

This week, our little embryo is the size of a .75 inch vitamin gummy bear, appropriately bearing tiny hands and feet (fet), a head, and chubby tummy. This week also brings us SNOW! and I am feeling extremely unattractive, so you can enjoy the lovely winter snowscape instead of yours truly. I don't actually look any different this week, anyhow!

Let's hear it for Gender Schemas!

I found this "vintage" Care Bear checkers set at the local kids' consignment shop for Christmas, and now it is a regular part of our nightly routine. Ellie caught on to the rules of the game right away (admittedly, I had to look them up on Google because I could not remember how the game ends), though she added her own rule that "kings can't be jumped because their crowns are too big!" She love, loves, playing this game, and I am pleased to see that she isn't too competitive and doesn't mind losing. Inspired by seeing my daughter drawn to classic/educational/interesting games via the feminine CUTENESS factor, I ordered a set of PINK legos for her birthday coming up next week. I am really excited to see them! Even at the ripe age of 37, I guess I am still pretty gender schematic, because the thought of building a tower with pinks, oranges and purples sounds so much more appealing than the rigid traditional primary colors.

WEEK 7

This week's ultra adorable photographer.

No, I'm not supposed to be showing yet, so SHUT UP.

Size: 1/2 inch, approximately the size of a small bead

We have news! I'm pregnant! This time, we are feeling pretty optimistic. After quite a scare while we were in the midwest, I finally managed to get an ultrasound, and low and behold-- A HEARTBEAT! (Yes, ONE heartbeat!) I went in the ultrasound room (again with dear friend Christie, who has become my spousal surrogate during my most stressful moments) planning out all the things I would do once I had confirmed another miscarriage: pomegranate martinis, a day at the Korean spa, a membership at Curves, and new pants (bigger pants-- welcome to the mid-age spread). My hopes were a bit higher than they were a week ago, due to two high and rising hcG tests, but still... my mind was fairly certainly resigned to this not working out. Then it was all so easy and so abundantly clear. Within seconds, there it was-- the fluttering little beacon of hope! So now I am sitting squarely in the "low risk" camp, and trying to enjoy myself as much as possible. Due date is August 22, and unfortunately, that means working about as hard as I possibly can until then so that I can keep my job... but let's not go there. Let's just be happy and celebrate WEEK 7!